"Joisy Driving"

OLD HEAD · 06-08-07, 08:09 PM

How to drive in the State of New Jersey.
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name,it is New-erk not New-ark. (Actually,it's pronounced "NERK")
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 AM to Noon. The evening rush hour is from Noon until 7:00 PM. Friday"s rush hour is from Thursday morning on.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on the Turnpike is 85 mph. On the Parkway it's 105 or 110 mph.your choice,anything lower is considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you may have learned elsewhere. Jersey has it's own version of traffic rules. For example; cars,trucks, with the loudest muffler go first at a four way stop. The truck with the largest tires go second.
However in Mommouth county,SUV driving, cell-phone talking moms,ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light,you will be rear-ended,cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. NEVER honk your horn at anyone. EVER! Seriously! It's another offense that will get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent,and continuous in all of New Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night, to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks,skunks,dogs,cats,barrels,cones,celebs,also rubber-neckers,shredded tires,cell-phoners,deer and other road kill,and the homeless feeding on any of these items.
9. Map quest does not work here----none of these roads are where they say they are, or go to where they say they do,and all the Turnpike ez pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride a little more exciting.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on,wave them to the shoulder of the road immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated"
11. If you are in the left lane and driving 70 in a 55-mph zone,you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the "flip" you will be shot!
12. Do not try to estimate travel time---just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments,by noon Thursday for Friday,and right after church Sunday for anything on Monday.

dcb11 · 06-08-07, 08:34 PM

Thanks I was looking for a place to take the family on vacation this summer.....LOL

06-08-07, 08:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
OLD HEAD SCI Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: JOISY !! Posts: 1,554	"Joisy Driving" How to drive in the State of New Jersey. 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name,it is New-erk not New-ark. (Actually,it's pronounced "NERK") 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 AM to Noon. The evening rush hour is from Noon until 7:00 PM. Friday"s rush hour is from Thursday morning on. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on the Turnpike is 85 mph. On the Parkway it's 105 or 110 mph.your choice,anything lower is considered "Wussy". 4. Forget the traffic rules you may have learned elsewhere. Jersey has it's own version of traffic rules. For example; cars,trucks, with the loudest muffler go first at a four way stop. The truck with the largest tires go second. However in Mommouth county,SUV driving, cell-phone talking moms,ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light,you will be rear-ended,cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. NEVER honk your horn at anyone. EVER! Seriously! It's another offense that will get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent,and continuous in all of New Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night, to make the next days driving a bit more exciting. 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks,skunks,dogs,cats,barrels,cones,celebs,also rubber-neckers,shredded tires,cell-phoners,deer and other road kill,and the homeless feeding on any of these items. 9. Map quest does not work here----none of these roads are where they say they are, or go to where they say they do,and all the Turnpike ez pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride a little more exciting. 10. If someone actually has their turn signal on,wave them to the shoulder of the road immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated" 11. If you are in the left lane and driving 70 in a 55-mph zone,you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the "flip" you will be shot! 12. Do not try to estimate travel time---just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments,by noon Thursday for Friday,and right after church Sunday for anything on Monday. __________________ SHOW NO EMOTION Last edited by OLD HEAD : 06-08-07 at 08:16 PM.
Status: Online

06-08-07, 08:34 PM	#2 (permalink)
dcb11 SCI Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Happy Valley,Pa Posts: 952	Thanks I was looking for a place to take the family on vacation this summer.....LOL
Status: Offline